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looks like a heart

by Sam Paul

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1.
Parker & 225 04:11
They fixed the off ramp that used to be so bad Changed the yield sign to a stop, built the shoulder further out It's about time, cuz I was one of many scenes Caused by busy drivers who did not realize they could not yet see There's little chance of lightning striking twice Especially since we engineered it to play nice Still every time that I drive by that ramp I slow down, look right, and hold my breath She moved back home, after everything went wrong She lost her husband and her band, she lost her faith in greater plans It's overdue, cuz I was one too many men With my voice hot in her ear, knowing no words could be right here There's little chance of lighting striking twice Especially since I blocked her name on all those appss and websites Still everytime that I drive by her old place I speed up, and stare straight ahead What are you waiting for? What are you running from The future is not driving towards you. The past is not moving on I'm looking forward to leaving you behind I'm looking back and choosing what survives
2.
High School 02:56
Are you worried you're a little bit late to the party? Do you feel like an apple that's lost its shine? Has it been a little while since you had a solid win? Are you wondering why you keep on trying? I wanna be back in High School I wanna feel like it's all in front of me You know I used to be beautiful? Skin and bone and crooked teeth I wanna feel like I'm 18 I wanna get drunk and go have sex, just like we do now, but in less debt Are you worried that you've run out of second chances Are you maybe a calendar that's one day off and one year wrong? Did you miss a bus that you didn't realize you were waiting for? Are you sick of everyday feeling older and older and older and older I wanna be back in High School I wanna feel like it's all in front of me You know I used to be beautiful? Skin and bone and crooked teeth I wanna feel like I'm 18 I wanna do drugs that change my brain, just like we do now, but in less pain I sat around in a local bar And listened to two men I just men reminisce about the friends They've lost to booze and drugs and death I drive around in a battered car and listen to voices all around Singing about youth like they can keep the sun from going down I wanna be back in High School I wanna feel like it's all in front of me You know I used to be beautiful? Skin and bone and crooked teeth I wanna feel like I'm 18 I wanna pretend that I'm alright, just like we do now, but with more time
3.
Those used to be buildings These used to be plains That once was my favorite Denny's of all, but we needed more space There's not enough parking This traffick is on ham I've been here since before the rest of you fool and I'll be here when you've left Denver metro area, what of ya, can I touch Denver metro area, slow down girl, you're making me blush Slow down girl, you're making me blush I can't afford Broncos tickets And no, I don't even ski I've been keeping the wetlands from becoming housing since before I could think And I remember when RiNo Was not a hip place to be In fact, I remember when RiNo wasn't RiNo at all They called it Larimer Street Denver metro area, what of ya, can I touch Denver metro area, slow down girl, you're making me blush Slow down girl, you're making me blush And if somebody tells me, "it's an overrated town," I say good Don't forget to tell your friends High above all the buildings Flying in past the plains I get a whiff of that sweet homecoming nostalgia like a kiss on the face Denver metro area, what of ya, can I touch Denver metro area, slow down girl, you're making me blush Slow down girl, you're making me blush Slow down girl, you're making me blush
4.
What it is to be a man Can I pay your bills? Should we hold hands Is my skin rough? Do I talk tough And when you walk in do I stand up dear What it is to be a man If I feel ignored do I break glass? If you won't laugh, should I rehash your worst mistakes to pay you back dear I'm an alpha dog, I'm a hero from a Johnny Cash song Got the greenest lawn. I can drink you under and still drive you home I look strangers in the eyes, I always get my handshakes right So when I call you late at night, the least you can do it pick up What it is to be a man I always act first so that you can't say no to me Or think I'm weak, or catch your breath before I speak, dear I'm an alpha dog, I'm a hero from a Johnny Cash song Got the greenest lawn. I can drink you under and still drive you home I look strangers in the eyes, I always get my handshakes right So when I call you late at night, the least you can do it pick up Every single man I know, every king and average joe Is wearing lace and panty-hose beneath their fancy business clothes
5.
There was a game that my dad used to play When he'd get home really late and he wanted to forget the day He'd play all night until everything felt right Knowing after all his service he had surely earned it Missile Command Don't let the aliens land But the more you blow up, the more just keep showing up And it goes faster and faster Missile Command You give it all that you can But the more that you do, the more just come after you And it goes faster and faster There was a game that my dad used to play Between trading in his time so that my brothers and I Could go to schools for smart or religious kids And have the things he never had to do the stuff he never did Missile Command Don't let the aliens land But the more you blow up, the more just keep showing up And it goes faster and faster Missile Command You give it all that you can But the more that you do, the more just come after you And it goes faster and faster And now he's 70 And he is finally ready to play a different game And now he's not as quick And his legs aren't so steady And he is always in some pain from making sure things don't fall down Missile Command Don't let the aliens land But the more you blow up, the more just keep showing up And it goes faster and faster Missile Command Don't let the aliens land But the more you blow up, the more just keep showing up And it goes faster and faster Missile Command You give it all that you can But the more that you do, the more just come after you And it goes faster and faster
6.
Going Bald 02:38
If I'm going bald I'll probably shave my head Though it doesn't seem fair, cuz I already had bad acne But rather than cling to something that's slowly headed for the grave I'll shave my head instead I tried to feel reassured, I talked to my dad's head of hair I left slightly unmoored, he did not say it could not be there But rather than blame genetics for taking something I can't save I'll shave my head instead When we were in bed, you told me it's just my haircut I believed you back then, but now I worry you made it all up But rather than agonize wondering if you lied to save my pride I'll shave my head instead So if I'm losing my hair I'll probably cut it off But if we're breaking up, baby I can make time to talk Cuz rather than just accept that when things thin and fade They don't look their best let's talk till there's nothing left
7.
Jack Dempsey 01:53
He was a brawler, never much for ducking Skin soaked in bee brine. Chewed pine trees to strengthen his chin What a cowboy. Never knew no way but his fists And we loved him most when he lost Cuz everyone loves a brawler, you know we all live to see the knockout Nobody loves a boxer - making the most of every long count Paint yourself in a corner and do your best to slug your way out You know we'd all fight the way you do if we could
8.
He wanted to watch He thought that we would all learn a lot If all that he saw he wrote down in a detailed log He bought a motel He made the renovations himself He made sure that he could see you through the vents without you seeing him And he learned that Good looking men, good looking women Don't have as much sex as you'd wish they did When people think there's no one watching Everyone's boring, everyone's honest It made him kind of sad to learn the dissappointing fact That they don't love any better than we do on the other side of the vents He felt like a dream Made up by all his guests in their sleep Even when he would scream, they'd just go on wiping grease on his sheets He's stare in your eyes And sometimes you might start to get a weird vibe But he made sure that he could see you through the vents without you seeing him And he learned that Even priests lie, most couples bicker As though vacation just makes them sicker And just because your chest is rising It doesn't mean that you're not dying It made him kind of sad to learn the dissappointing fact That they don't love any better than we do on the other side of the vents He wanted to watch He thought that we would all learn a lot But all that he saw was stuff we probably knew all along Like people you see are looking back from behind a specially made screen Hoping that they can see you through the vents without being seen
9.
The lights in the kitchen were blinking, green, blue, red The DJ turned and did a bump off his keys and then bobbed his head The girls is the kitchen were screaming The guys in the kitchen were leaning The girls on the dance floor were grinding The guys on the dance floor were swinging their arms like nets Hoping to catch And I picked a bad time to be sober I picked a bad time to play it straight It's not the right time to be sober It's not the right time change Amanda was born in Hawaii And she moved a lot And Hallee singe opera and folk songs And works a day job Amanda was drinking tequila And Hallee was drinking beer Hallee asked me for an Uber Amanda touched me on the face and said "Men just look better as they age" And I picked a bad time to be sober I picked a bad time to play it straight It's not the right time to be sober It's not the right time I'm stuck in the living room, ice water in my hand Some fool with a sweater on is trying to dance And I kept thinking how I must look just like him Cuz I picked a bad time to be sober I picked a bad time to play it straight It's not the right time to be sober It's not the right time to change
10.
When I was in high school I thought I'd be everyone's best man And I'm obviously full of myself But everyone knows we were closer back then It's my fault, I am pretty sure You know I am always caught up in schemes And I'm guilty as hell of only Reaching out when I'm in need Now I don't say hello like I mean to And when I do, I ignore your replies And then when we finally get together I act so shocked I'm not in your life So I'm not your best man Guess I should've guessed that No I'm not your best friend and I know that I'm the one that lost that That lost that Now even my girl says she loves me more When I say I love her And I hate that it's true Cuz there's just so much people can take before they're sick on feeling used And it's just like me to write it all down As if the words can make it alright That while I always make room for art Art doesn't always make room for life And I could swear I'm the same as I've always been But something would know that's a lie And I could swear there's a wall between me and them But I'll never know if it's all in my mind So I'm not your best man Guess I should've guessed that No I'm not your best friend and I know that I'm the one that lost that To everyone I'm losing And everyone I've lost while I've been caught in my own story I'm sorry that this was the cost So I'm not your best man Guess I should've guessed that I'm not your best man Guess I should've guessed that No I'm not your best friend and I know that I'm the one that lost that That lost that
11.
Hey man, I get it, you work hard Your nights are long, your days are short Your mom's alone inside some car Your dad's all bruise and beating heart So when you get home you could really use a drink You've earned the cigarettes you light and breathe in deep Two kids barefoot, two kids back home Drink Mountain Dew, dream rock and roll Two kids grow up, it's no one's fault I grew up sad, you grew up tall And effervescent, smiling face behind the bar You're pouring creature comfort Everyone would love some more Buy that bartender a drink Let's talk out back by the dumpster so that I can catch my breath And maybe think Bum my best friend here a drag He would give me his even if it was his last He'd smile, "here you go" and then go up in smoke Man I'll shut up. It's not my choice It's your damn life, it's your damn voice One man grows old- small means, fair health Sits at the bar, talks to himself And when I'm alone I have too much time to think About who will pay for all the selfish things I need Buy that bartender a drink Let's talk out back by the dumpster so that I can catch my breath And maybe think Bum my best friend here a drag He would give me his even if it was his last He'd smile, "here you go" and then go up in smoke
12.
Am I bad guy, or am I okay? Do you think I'm evil? Or do I just make mistakes? Am a I good lover? Am I even there when I kiss your body, when I pull your hair Go slow, baby go slow, go slow, oh my God, I don't know Hey, girl, hey- how do you feel about the way I repeat the letter y as if we've been dating a long time? Hey, girl, hey- I don't know what else to say You know I don't swim so well, and I feel as well I'm swimming all the time Are you having fun still in the back of my car? Or did we get too serious? Did we go too far? And you know that I like you, and you know I'm not well And I keep saying I'm selfish, I don't know if I do that for you or if I do that for myself Go slow, baby go slow, go slow, oh my God, I don't know Hey, girl, hey- how do you feel about the way I repeat the letter y as if we've been dating a long time? Hey, girl, hey- I don't know what else to say You know I don't swim so well, and I feel as well I'm swimming all the time
13.
I fall in love with ideas, and can't get them out of my head Like lyrics on walls in a Summer spent smoking and singing the Beatles in bed I fall in love with a look With one clever line at the bar I'd forget that you're home Probably close to your phone And start making up signs in the stars But stars are just buzzing lights And looks are just makeup and lighting Songs never get it quite right And most interractions are selling and buying Usually ideas are better than truths One rare exception was loving you Falling asleep on the couch Binge watching TV too late Holding hands driving around Chaning my passwords to include your name Usually ideas are better than truths One rare exception was loving you
14.
I said, "are you Katherine?" She said, "no, but I still need a ride." I looked straight ahead She said, "I could be Katherine." And when I looked back there she was holding one bare breast in her hand I said, "where we headed tonight?" He said, "some titty bar. You know, I'm leaving my lady." And he climbed in the car With the radio low, and slurring to speak He said, "you know, I think I just act out because I get away with it." I'm just hoping any of this makes any sense Driving strangers around Chewing on mints to freshen my breath She said, "that's my auntie and cuz fighting with the door guys They're really fired up, but they won't swing on you. When they finally got in, Auntie started to cry She said, "you bitches aint nothing. You know you left me to die" But she must've felt small, so she chose to dig in She said, "fuck family, you know I'm raising your kids?" So Cuz threw a punch, and Auntie pulled hair And I pulled off to the side of the road and kicked them out in the middle of nowhere I'm just hoping any of this makes any sense Driving strangers around Chewing on mints to freshen my breath
15.
Evans & I-25 03:28
If it's true that you should do one thing that scares you ever day Then I'm living my best life Because I'm constantly afraid And I do not have proof but I don't feel like I was always this way Maybe time grinds a canyon where there once was just a rut Maybe I liked feeling special and now I resent knowing that I'm not As all that I grew up with has gone and changed I hate to think I'll always be this way But the car dealership at Evans and I-25 Believes in me the way a beggar trusts a stop light Why else would the car dealership at Evans and I-25 Keep on saying such nice things on that giant light up sign? I know, it's probably just a way to start a sale But maybe the car dealership and Evans and I-25 Believes in me the way a beggar trusts a stop light And if they do, maybe someday I might

about

Sam Paul's debut LP. It is about Denver.

credits

released September 16, 2020

Co-produced by Sam Paul and Ben Pisano
Album art by Bianca West
Songs by Sam Paul
Music by Sam Paul, with:
Ben Pisano, Jamie Beekman, Joey Ennulat, Andrew Rogers, Bunny Blake, Jenny Shawhan

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about

Sam Paul Denver, Colorado

Geriatric bedroom pop. Like if you gave your drunk aunt a toy piano.

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